My Bro

On Friday, November 16, 2018 (which was Saturday, November 17, in New Zealand, where he lived,) my beloved brother Robin passed away very suddenly, apparently from a heart attack, at the age of 52. He had seemed fine up to that point. There were no specific warning signs that his family can identify. I learned about it while driving from Des Moines airport to Grinnell. When I noticed I had two missed calls via WattsApp from my mother (my phone had been turned off for the flight,) along with a text to "call as soon as you can," I knew something terrible had happened, but I didn't expect this. My first assumption was that one of my brothers had had a non-fatal heart attack (we have a family history of coronary disease.)

My thoughts are with Robin's wife Jackie and children, who are obviously devastated. More than anything else, Robin was a dedicated family man. Robin and Jackie arranged their lives and their careers as physicians around their family's interests and needs, and they and their children did so much together. Robin and his family were a loving and mutually nurturing unit who excelled at having fun together.

I went out to New Zealand for his funeral, which was held at St. George's Presbyterian Church in Takapuna (north Auckland) on Tuesday, November 25, at 1pm. Three days after Robin's death (November 20 in New Zealand), my brother David's severely disabled step-son, Aron, passed away at the age of 23, probably from a seizure. David also lives in the Auckland area. Aron's funeral was held at St. Patrick's Church in Pukekohe on Saturday, December 1, at 2pm. There was a brief cremation ceremony the day after each funeral.

It's easy to list times and dates. It's not so easy to process this, or even to talk about Robin, as shock and disbelief give way to grief. In any case, this isn't the appropriate venue to do so. My philosophy is to find good in every situation, but this is a challenge. Much that is beautiful has come out of the support family members and friends have offered one another through these joint tragedies. I am very motivated to believe in some sort of afterlife and am taking another look at religion. I have to hope that Robin's spirit is happy somewhere. 'Also that his wonderful qualities -- his warmth, kindness, and sense of humor -- will live on in those left behind. His daughters certainly personify those gifts, and I will try my inadequate best to do the same.

Yesterday, I sponsored a four-year-old boy from Madagascar named Mandresy through one of those programs (this one is called Unbound) where you pay a little bit every month and correspond with "your" child twice a year. I searched for a child born on Robin's birthday; Mandresy was the only one. He is described as a "wise" child. So maybe a little bit of Robin will live on through Mandresy ...