The article, Why Chinese Mothers are Superior, by Amy Chua, a Yale law professor, is making the rounds. My reaction to it was quite negative, although I think it was probably written somewhat tongue-in-cheek. Imagine making a 7-year-old practice piano hour after hour, pushing her past the point of exhaustion, forbidding her to go to the bathroom or to get a drink, just so she could learn to play "My Little White Donkey" perfectly! There are so many things in life that are both beneficial to children and fun. Why push a child into performing a task that might have some cultural merit, but that makes her miserable?
A counter-article, Amy Chua: Model Chinese Parent or Insufferable Elitist came out that makes fun of Ms. Chua's aspirations. I loved some of the comments, especially, "Consciously find ways to make your upbringing and your strengths into your competitive advantage. Otherwise, be prepared to work for a violin-playing, emotionally repressed, socially-retarded perfectionist for the rest of your life," and "Classical violin and piano lessons …the bane of the offspring of China’s parvenu nouveau riche."
Another counter-article, Is Amy Chua right ..., was more depressing. One of the respondents described how her perfect, straight-A, high-achieving sister suddenly committed suicide at the age of 30. Other respondents drew attention to the unusually high suicide rate among high-achieving, young Asian-American women:-(
The article leaves me conflicted. In part, it makes me want to raise my kids to be street sweepers so that they never, ever have to experience this sort of stress and misery and violation of self. In part, it also makes me concerned that they'll be left in the dust by ueber-achieving, over-disciplined little robots.
Ms. Chua would probably think I'm a terrible mother. I never make my kids do anything. I break every one of her rules. We encourage the kids to have playdates and sleepovers and get involved in acting and play instruments other than the piano or violin (they have a little rock band going on.) It's an absolute given to me that my children choose their own extra-curricular activities. Waldorf education, in which children are encouraged to exist in a dream-like state until the age of about seven, and then to learn experientially and holistically until about 14, is very appealing to me. Within the Waldorf system, rigorous and traditional academics don't really start until age 14.
In spite of their relative freedom, my kids seem to be doing OK. Laura practices her viola for about an hour a day because she loves doing so. I know that falls short of the three hours expected of Ms. Chua's children, but Laura is progressing beautifully without any pressure. Paige does occasionally play her harp for three hours a day -- always and only by choice. Daniel has an exceptional GPA and mostly owns his own schooling. Emma reads a great deal and enjoys writing spontaneously.
I'm sure Ms. Chua, as we all do, genuinely loves her children and believes she is doing her best for them. Given that they're excelling musically and academically, she does have a point to make. However, I don't think one should forget that the work of childhood is play. Childhood is both brief and precious. It seems sad that it should be spent in a drab, gray world of repetition and pressure and coercion, rather than in having fun. One of the responses I've always enjoyed from my children when I ask them to do some home schooling is a slightly impatient, "Sorry, we're busy playing."
No comments:
Post a Comment